Taking control of "MY LIFE"

Hello world,

For those of you that don't know me, my name is Greg Owens. I'm 22 years old from Columbus, Ohio. I just want to share with you all the things that I've been dealing with mentally for the past few years. Hopefully this could be a help to a lot of you that are reading this and have or going through the same thing.

Although these past couple of years have been a blessing, at the same time, I've been unhappy or some what depressed. A lot of my unhappiness stemmed from being in school. As a creative person myself, I pride myself on doing things that I love and want to do. Rather it's making music, being apart of an organization, acting in stage plays, etc. But at the same time, doing all of those things affected my academics. My parents has always told me about "balancing" while being in college, but I really didn't know how to do that. Besides, I never really cared about school all like that. I never really cared if I received good or grades unless I was getting rewarded for it. That's just me though.

I got tired of the same old system. Why am I in class trying to learn and get tested on information that I won't even remember a year from now?  The world is changing so much and so fast that it's hard for the current educational system to catch up. For the past few years I've been self educating myself rather its through reading online articles or watching Youtube videos. SELF EDUCATION IS VERY IMPORTANT. You will learn so much better that way and get much further in life if you do that. The more information that I learned for myself, the more I started questioning where I was in my life. Questions like "Why am I here?", "Why aren't I doing the things that I love and want to do?", "Why do I feel like I'm boxed in"? 

Recently I've finally figured out why I've been unhappy. I didn't put myself first! I've always been this strong, caring and giving person. I like helping people with anything and everything. But that can backfire on you because people can start to take advantage of you. There's people who I've felt that have smiled in my face but talk about me behind my back. I've been wanting to see changes that would benefit me because of the person I am. Never wanted much! Just wanted happiness, prosperity and peace of mind just like everyone else. But while I was too busy doing things for everyone else, I barely took the time to do anything for myself. I began to feel frustrated and burned out because I was taking up too many responsibilities and that affected me as a student. My grades weren't that great to the point where I'm on academic probation, dropping classes, not going to classes and so on. Instead of graduating on time like everyone else, I have to do a 5th year in school. Plus my college is EXPENSIVE as hell so I got to pay those student loans back.

You ask me, was God in any of this? BARELY!! Thats right, during this frustrating time in my life I barely talked to God in the process. I put my spiritual life on pause to find the answers that I couldn't answer for myself. Right now, I have little to no sense of self. If you don't have a sense of self or peace of mind, it can have a devastating affect on you to the point where you will drive yourself crazy. That's the LAST thing I want to happen to me. Since this past April of 2015, I was contemplating on taking a break from school. I'm not saying drop out or even taking a year out (just a semester) to focus on finding clarity and doing things that I love to do. In the process, I knew I had to tell my folks about my plan, knowing what each of them were going to say about it. 

Both of my parents are educators. Their drive to want something better for their lives and myself is reason why they are where they are today. I appreciate all the lessons, sacrifices and security they instilled in me which makes them the best parents in the world in my eyes. Seeking advice from the one's who've been there and done it gave me a different perspective on how to look at things. I know for me, it's hard for me to get out what I really want to say to them for some odd reason. Maybe it's because they've been in this world longer than me, and have known me all of my life. Looking at the pro's and cons of everything, it seemed like it was "damn if I do, damn if I don't." But I also know that sometimes whatever is in your heart, you have to follow it no matter the consequences.

Recently my hearts been telling me to take some time out and find peace of mind and get myself together. This is something that I've been praying about for a while now. Something has to change and I feel a change coming for the better. Sometimes you have to DO WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU. Now I'm not saying to slack off and let life pass you by, I'm talking about taking action. Sometimes when you feel like you're being pulled in 20 different directions, you can't seem to think clearly and for yourself; which can affect your decision making. Once you have a clear mind and a spiritual connection with God, everything else will work out in His favor. I'm not looking for any approvals. When I put my mind into something, I usually want to do it in full. I'm tired of not being sure of myself because I want to make others happy. Now it's time to make and focus on ME and taking control of MY LIFE for the first time. Sometimes you have to take a step back so that you can take two steps forward. 

This is not a rebellious post. I am simply trying to listen to the voice within and God. Everybody is wired differently so it's all about taking one step at a time. You just have to be patient and know that God will make a way out of no way. I encourage everyone to do what's in your heart, even if people don't agree or see it your way. Know that God has a plan for us and it's our responsibility to seek Him for guidance. PUT YOURSELF FIRST before ANYTHING. Your path will become much more clearer once you realize that.